Aroma Eilat

Back in the corner again

This time it seems that I'm going to actually live through this.

This is going back on the blog cause I cant write to you directly.

So I guess this is going to be the channel till we figure out something else.

Aroma, beach, Eilat, alone again.

The feelings are strong again

Like I'm seeing the world through the pain again

And it seems familiar

No

This isn’t for you

This is for me

Not cause of you… this is because I need to change into the man I want to be and I agree with you that it's only and totally and always up to me. And always has been and always will be. But I don’t agree with you all when you say that all you need to do is want and it will be. Will doesn't make change will might show the way, might illustrate the need but will will not make change. Only action of the mind can bring about the shift in thinking that will result in a shift of motivations that will bring on a shift in priorities that will change the channels of need that make up the soul.

I need to change the insid

I know that

Even you know that after watching the change I went through in taking my pacifier away from little old me and throwing it under the bus that will drive me off to my new life.

So I'm changing the inside of me

The deep part

And you see this happening and you who feels my pain more than anyone alive cry out in anguish over what I am and what I am not. 

I am sorry my Tinkerbelle.

Alas, Tinker Bell could not explain this, for even she did not know the dark secret of Slightly's tree. Nevertheless Hook's words had left no room for doubt. The cup was poisoned.

"Besides," said Peter, quite believing himself "I never fell asleep."

He raised the cup. No time for words now; time for deeds; and with one of her lightning movements Tink got between his lips and the draught, and drained it to the dregs.

"Why, Tink, how dare you drink my medicine?"

But she did not answer. Already she was reeling in the air.

"What is the matter with you?" cried Peter, suddenly afraid.

"It was poisoned, Peter," she told him softly; "and now I am going to be dead."

"O Tink, did you drink it to save me?"

"Yes."

"But why, Tink?"

Her wings would scarcely carry her now, but in reply she alighted on his shoulder and gave his nose a loving bite. She whispered in his ear "You silly ass," and then, tottering to her chamber, lay down on the bed.

His head almost filled the fourth wall of her little room as he knelt near her in distress. Every moment her light was growing fainter; and he knew that if it went out she would be no more. She liked his tears so much that she put out her beautiful finger and let them run over it.

Her voice was so low that at first he could not make out what she said. Then he made it out. She was saying that she thought she could get well again if children believed in fairies.

Peter flung out his arms. There were no children there, and it was night time; but he addressed all who might be dreaming of the Neverland, and who were therefore nearer to him than you think: boys and girls in their nighties, and naked papooses in their baskets hung from trees.

"Do you believe?" he cried.

I am a believer tink I truly am… it's just that I'm not a good one.

I find it extremely hard to believe that which I cannot understand and that includes first and foremost… me.

That’s why I need you… because I do believe in you…

I don’t always understand you…

I think that finally I do believe in you…

Maybe not totally and completely but surely much more then I believe in me.

And this is the part that I like.

Since I do believe in you and I do respect you I hope that you might be the one that helps me to understand me enough…

To help me believe in me…

Though right now

You are sure I'm crazy… right.

That’s all for now